I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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