Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
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