a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
