i was born a porn star she said
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
