I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Randomize
