Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
