I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
