Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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