12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
