we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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