Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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