Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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