What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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