In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
