please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
