Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
