Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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