you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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