Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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