Old men and throwing up are my life now.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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