you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
