I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
