This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
