i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
