he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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