My first STD was from a foam party
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
