just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
