i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
