I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
