for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Randomize
