Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
