Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
