Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
