This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
