Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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