1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
