Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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