I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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