Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
