I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
