just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
