Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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