Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
