2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
