He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
