My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize