Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
