ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
