Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
