I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
