Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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