I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Can you bring me the toilet please
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
