i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
