The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
