I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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