There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize