Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
