I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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