Pappa wants mamma naked
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Randomize
