Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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