So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
