my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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