thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
