I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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