Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
