So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
