he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Why can't burritos get me drunk
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize