It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
