I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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