tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
